The Lure of the Internet

I've just come to the realization that I am an Internet junkie. 

It's true. 

Really true. 

My first clue is the fact that my computer is on all day long. Even though that constant hum of the modem often gets on my nerves, I still leave it on. 

Why? 

In case I need to look something up right away or in case someone emails me and needs me immediately. 

Now, a more logical person would understand that if someone did need me that urgently, they would pick up the phone and call me. 

D'uh! 

My second clue is that when I open my Inbox, it's full of all kinds of newsletters and stuff I really have no time to read. I get hooked so easily into receiving these newsletters because of all the FREE things they are offering me. Free things that I, again, will never have time to read. 

It's the lure of the FREE stuff......don't we all want something for free? Something for nothing? There's a little thrill that tingles somewhere inside when I know I'm getting something free....like it's a little secret and I clap my hands in glee....woowee, it's free and it's all mine! 

However, I never have time to read the free stuff. 

I store it all in my documents for a slow day when I'll have all the time in the world to read it. 

Who am I kidding? 

By the time that happens, my computer memory will be so full and I'll have to sit for a year straight just to read it all. 

I think a part of me feels a bit obligatory because I send out a newsletter and I would like people to subscribe to it, so I should subscribe to others. After all, what goes around, comes around, right? 

Oh, and I also have an mp3 player that is full of FREE workshops and EFT seminars just waiting for a time when I'll have a free hour or so to listen to one session. It's crazy, I tell you. I do put the earplugs in at night and try to listen to a session, but I'm usually asleep by the first quarter of the interview. The only time I ever get to listen to them is when I'm alone in the vehicle and that doesn't happen very often either. 

Also, turning the computer on is one of the first things I do in the morning, even before I brush my teeth. 

When my kids are on the computer and I get the urge to check my emails, I will actually kick them off so I can get my fix. Deep sigh here......because I've just realized I'm an Internet addict. It just snuck up on me out of nowhere. 

The question is....can I overcome this? 

I am lucky because I do have EFT to help me through this and whole lot of EFT friends who can help me also....but do I really want to give it up? 

After all, it's not really hurting anyone. 

Yes, the high pitched humming of the computer all day gets tiring after a while but I can usually mentally drown that out. 

I just wonder what the attraction is...why I am addicted to the Internet. Maybe it's the instant gratification of getting instant results when I want to look something up. Maybe it's knowing that when I get a personal email, I know someone, somewhere is thinking about me. Maybe it's my crutch when I'm feeling anxious and don't know what to do with myself...it's better than eating something, isn't it? 

Either way and for whatever reason, I know I'm addicted to it....because, already I'm feeling a bit anxious and teary-eyed about what I'm going to do with myself when I take away the Internet crutch. I'll tap on it for sure in a couple of minutes.....I'm quite curious to find out the reason behind it all. 

I am looking forward to all the time I'll have to hang with my kids or to do other pampering or relaxing things for myself...but do I think I'm strong enough? 

The computer sits in my living room and it constantly beckons me...like the food in my pantry or like a bottle of alcohol would for an alcoholic. It feels that strong to me. 

But...it's time....it's time to let it go and dig deep to find out what's causing this behavior. 

I'd love to hear from other Internet junkies about why you think we're addicted. You can now leave a comment on my blog without having to be a member....so let me know that I'm not alone here in my addiction. 

K, now off to tap on the anxiety that's already arising in my belly......and I know that if it's in my belly, it's associated with fear so that gives me a place to start.....okay....wish me luck....~M