Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Imperfections

My whole life I have strived for perfection. Perfection in the things that I do and perfection in the image I portray to others. Why? To avoid rejection, to avoid judgements, to avoid criticism, to avoid being disliked by others, to avoid being punished. Want more reasons? Because society says I have to be perfect, because media says I have to be perfect, because the "perfect" people cast labels on those of us who are not. Thankfully I have let go of that need....somewhat. Again, I think that as we age, we lose that anxious gnawing that claws in our stomach and that tells us we're not perfect yet. EFT is also helping me release the rest of the perfectionism that still exists in the deeper levels of me. There was a time when I would not be seen in public without make up or without having my hair just right. One only needs to see me now on an average day to bear witness to the fact that I have released that particular desperate need to be perfect! Tonight, as I was finishing a book called "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult, (an awesome book, by the way), I read a line that made me stop and think for a minute. It said, "You don't love someone because they're perfect....you love them in spite of the fact that they're not." Whoa...makes a person take a look at the relationships they're in. I wish I had understood that years ago. I mean, I've understood that on some level, but tonight it just hit a little closer to home, I think. Perfection in the eyes of one certainly is not perfection in the eyes of another. What I perceive to be perfect is not what my children perceive to be perfect. It's not what my spouse perceives to be perfect. It's not what my best friend, my neighbor or society perceives to be perfect. After all these years of worrying what others may think about me....it's quite shocking to realize that no matter how hard I try to be perfect...I'd never be that to anyone. Makes it all seem so silly, really. All that energy wasted...all that time wasted. How I might have done things differently. I guess it comes down to doing what feels right to you...what your heart tells you is right for you. Truly loving someone else is accepting them in spite of the fact that they snore, or they sing off key, or they hog the blankets. Just because it's not perfect to you...doesn't mean it's wrong for them. Truly loving someone and receiving that love back is really a gift. It's a gift from that other person that says, "I love you even if you can't cook or you can't dance or you drool in your sleep." And what a gift it is.....M

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Olympic Pride

Hi there! I don't know about you, but I've been glued to the television set watching the Olympics. It's been such a fantastic show with an incredible amount of breath holding excitement. That Michael Phelps, winning 8 medals? How absolutely awesome. It's funny because when I see the athletes struggling, I automatically start doing some EFT for them, although the event has usually taken place hours before. Maybe I'm doing it for me, to calm myself. You know, I have to wonder at the amount of people who are offended by the fact that the US is doing so well. I've heard people actually condemning Phelps for his job well done. Why would someone take offense to that? He set a goal, he worked hard and he achieved it....why is that such a bad thing? In trying to rationalize that, as I often do, I wonder if it's because if these offended people somehow feel a sense of failure in themselves. I mean that maybe they have goals they have never achieved.....and they feel bad about themselves when they see others doing so well. When they see someone achieve an amazing goal such as 8 gold medals, they feel intimidated and that just reinforces the doubt they have about themselves? Are they unable to be happy for someone who achieves their goals simply because they were unable to reach their own? We all feel a lack somewhere inside and our failures only enhance that. Maybe there's a jealousy factor. When we feel these negative emotions, it really is difficult sometimes to pull ourselves out of our own negativity into a positive state. Dreaming big is wonderful thing...hope is a wonderful thing....and joy is a wonderful thing. Again, it all falls into a person's perception and choice and the stories they tell themselves. It's okay to feel proud when others achieve...it gives us hope and it may even give us the strength and courage to move forward with our goals...even when the goal is getting the bedding washed this week.....M

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Changing My Story

Yesterday, as I was in the throes of potty training a three year old AND a puppy, I thought "I'm too old for this!" My girlfriend called and I sighed because all I had done all day was wipe up poo and pee. I lead such a glamorous life, I told her. I felt sorry for myself for a few minutes longer then I put it into perspective. Because I know that our thoughts are powerful and that we make up our stories as we go along, I realized that the thought I had about my age was just that, only a thought... only a little piece of the story I call my life. I also know that if you don't like the story you are telling, then change it. I knew I had to quit telling the same "old" story to everyone I talked to yesterday because then that was all I was focusing on. I had to change my story, my perception. The saying is that you are only as old as you feel. Some days I do feel old (like yesterday) and some days I feel 18 again, like at my college reunion a couple weeks ago. It really is a person's perception. I decided that I wasn't too old for what I was doing....Truthfully?...I think I was just feeling envious of my friends who are way past the potty training stage and who can leave the house without worrying about where the three year old and puppy are going to pee while they're gone. (a wonderful EFT tapping moment....) Yet, on the other hand, I love that my three year old makes me giggle every day! When he hugs me and tells me he loves me big...there's no greater feeling. I feel no certain age at that time, I just feel grateful and happy. Age really has no numbers....it is how you feel. Maybe it's easier to say that now than when I was in my 20's. What a time that was...so much insecurity, yet so much discovery. I'm glad to be past that. Maybe it's also easier to say that now than when I'm in my 70's and realizing that I can't go back...I don't know. But I do think that once you reach a certain point, you get more comfortable in your skin. You realize that you don't have to try to keep up with everyone. You also realize that you don't need to impress anyone, anymore. You are what you are. It's a good place to be. So, while I'm at home potty training and all my friends are out travelling and being free...I'll not worry about what I don't have. I have a beautiful three year old (and puppy)who is teaching me patience and tolerance and making me laugh while he's at it! Thank goodness for the bundles of joy that come in small packages.....M

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Participating in the World

Hi there! I've just read an article with Sally Field. She's such a bubbly soul! When the person doing the interview asked Sally what she thought she'd be remembered for, she said she'd like to be remembered as someone who cared.....someone who participated in the world. That made me stop and think for a moment. I would also like to be remembered for that as well but am I participating in the world? How many of us can say that we have participated in the world? I think that statement would have a different meaning for each of us. For myself, I don't necessarily mean in big ways such as becoming a political leader or a famous actor. I mean participating in the world in small, caring ways. How about volunteering in your community? I know organizations such as Meals on Wheels are always looking for help. Check out your local schools to see if you can be a tutor for a struggling student or become a classroom reader. We always appreciated our volunteer readers who came in every morning to read with the grade one class. Other ways to participate in the world is to clean up the garbage in your neighborhood. It doesn't matter who put it there and who's to blame...just pick it up! Go green in your home....there are many websites you can look up that can give you ways to go greener in your home and in your community. Participate in the world...don't just sit back and complain about what's wrong in the world and whose fault it is. Do your part by taking small steps to improve what you can. Don't do it for the recognition or the glory...just do it because of how it makes you feel. As in the last post, you'll soon find that your energy will shift, your awareness will shift and the world will seem a bit brighter for you....and for your children and their children. Lift that fog of doom and despair that circles around so many of us...participate in the world, in whatever way that means for you.....M