Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Responsibility of Roles

Ok, so what is Goofy anyway? You know, Mickey Mouse's friend, Goofy? Is he a dog? What is he really? I wonder what it would be like to have no one understand what or who you are. Wait, I think that's a daily struggle for some. It's also a daily struggle for some who have no idea who they are themselves. I have met many people with that issue, and I've had that issue, myself, on and off over the years. I received an email from a friend this week who wrote about this very subject. She said it had come to her attention that the way she views herself is not the way everyone else views her. She decided to take a closer look and found that maybe she was like everyone thought she was. Unfortunately, what she thinks everyone else thinks is not very pleasant. It rhymes with witch and starts with a "b". She decided it was time to live up to every one's expectations of her. Yikes...but....how many of us have done that? We act the way people think we should instead of being true to ourselves. I know I have, many times over. I do it less often now but I know there are roles I played over the years--daughter, mommy, wife, girlfriend, sister, student, teacher, friend, aunt, cousin, healer, co-worker and so on. Up until recently, I know I took on those roles each time I played them and acted differently while in each role. In our society, it is pretty hard to find ourselves because we do have so many shoes to fill. We do have so many roles to play. Until we become sure of ourselves and more confident in showing our true colors, we get very good at playing our roles, in the character everyone thinks we should be. I'm enjoying the journey I am on in terms of finding my true self under the layers of costumes I wear. I enjoy being the same person with each character I play. I just AM......whether I am mommy or wife; friend or healer. I do realize that I have different responsibilities with each role, but I can continue being responsible without the assumptions that I have normally taken on. Take my mommy role, for example....I know I have to teach my children safety and life skills....but I can do that without being the "MOTHER" and without criticism, anger or blame. I can be a gentle teacher rather than a tyrant whose way is the ONLY way. If I'm open, my children can teach me lessons as well and how beautiful is that? I know it's easier to say than to do because the job of disciplining comes in there as well and I do have to remember that I am in training with the new me. Each blow up teaches me something about my kids and myself. Why did the argument happen? Why did I say what I said? Usually it's because I'd rather be right than happy. I want to "teach them their lesson" (not in a good way) and I tend to go about it all wrong. I am learning though and I'm grateful I'm learning who I am along the way. Trying to be who I truly am in each role I play takes some awareness and focus. I have to learn to put my Ego in the corner, that's usually the first step. Things often proceed pretty nicely from there...most times. I do like knowing the me underneath the acts I've put on for other people. Wearing those costumes every day gets pretty heavy after a while, so it feels wonderful to lighten the load! The cool thing is, I'm not so bad. I think I'd like to be my own friend. I know there's alot more to discover as I continue this journey and as I grow and age....but I like me better now that I am true to me, rather than who I have been over the years. It's a relief to be able to let go of caring what everyone else expects or thinks of me. Now, back to my original question...what is Goofy? ....M

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Risks

As you may have noticed, the look of my blog has changed. I'm working on a new project and it's been so much fun! I'll let you know about it ASAP, once everything is in place. I always seem to be working on a new project. I like a good challenge...I like to try new things. Some things work, some things don't. I've tried so many things over the years and I used to beat myself up for all the things I've tried that didn't work. A new hairstyle, a new business or a new hobby. I always felt people were judging me for all of my new ideas. I hear this all the time, "So what are you into now?" That used to send a little pain to my midsection when someone said that because I felt like they were condemning me for it. I don't feel that way anymore. I know that I have to live my life for me and for what works for me. I don't like to be idle and I don't like to stall and be stuck in the same old routine. I enjoy the process of learning something new. I also get a little thrill out of completing or accomplishing something I didn't think I'd be able to. I don't consider myself a risk taker but I've been called that numerous times. In my mind, a risk taker is someone who jumps out of planes or bungee jumps. That's way too out of my comfort zone. Gives me the heebee jeebees just to think of it!! I like taking less dangerous risks I guess. I seem to be attracted to the risks that involve personal development. I don't know what I believe in yet in terms of God and the Universe and that kind of stuff. I'm a work in progress. I do know that there is some force out there bigger than us and that I'm something more than just my physical body. My risks, these days, often evolve around trying to find what makes me tick and what makes other people tick. Ego, Spirit, personality, life experiences, mass consciousness, and background all make us what we are. I like trying to figure out why I think and behave the way I do and why others do the same. Because I know that we all are a result of our upbringing so far, I try to understand why people do and say the things they do. It helps me to eliminate judgements and negative opinions because I know someone is acting a certain way based on what they've experienced in life and I like trying to figure out what it is. Again, it's like taking a little risk....using my intuition to figure people out, but it helps me in my goal to become more personally aware in and of the world. It prevents me from reacting harshly to people and that, in turn, prevents me from becoming too attached to the outcome of the situation. Maybe it's just me trying to walk in their shoes. Maybe it just distracts me but that's okay too. I'm a happier person because of it. So, if you're one of the ones who are wondering what I'm up to now...just know that I am on a personal journey and that the people, the experiences and the results I encounter are all part of the lessons I need to learn while I'm here....simple, honest and true....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Lure of the Internet

I've just come to the realization that I am an Internet junkie. It's true. Really true. My first clue is the fact that my computer is on all day long. Even though that constant hum of the modem often gets on my nerves, I still leave it on. Why? In case I need to look something up right away or in case someone emails me and needs me immediately. Now, a more logical person would understand that if someone did need me that urgently, they would pick up the phone and call me. D'uh! My second clue is that when I open my Inbox, it's full of all kinds of newsletters and stuff I really have no time to read. I get hooked so easily into receiving these newsletters because of all the FREE things they are offering me. Free things that I, again, will never have time to read. It's the lure of the FREE stuff......don't we all want something for free? Something for nothing? There's a little thrill that tingles somewhere inside when I know I'm getting something free....like it's a little secret and I clap my hands in glee....woowee, it's free and it's all mine! However, I never have time to read the free stuff. I store it all in my documents for a slow day when I'll have all the time in the world to read it. Who am I kidding? By the time that happens, my computer memory will be so full and I'll have to sit for a year straight just to read it all. I think a part of me feels a bit obligatory because I send out a newsletter and I would like people to subscribe to it, so I should subscribe to others. After all, what goes around, comes around, right? Oh, and I also have an mp3 player that is full of FREE workshops and EFT seminars just waiting for a time when I'll have a free hour or so to listen to one session. It's crazy, I tell you. I do put the earplugs in at night and try to listen to a session, but I'm usually asleep by the first quarter of the interview. The only time I ever get to listen to them is when I'm alone in the vehicle and that doesn't happen very often either. Also, turning the computer on is one of the first things I do in the morning, even before I brush my teeth. When my kids are on the computer and I get the urge to check my emails, I will actually kick them off so I can get my fix. Deep sigh here......because I've just realized I'm an Internet addict. It just snuck up on me out of nowhere. The question is....can I overcome this? I am lucky because I do have EFT to help me through this and whole lot of EFT friends who can help me also....but do I really want to give it up? After all, it's not really hurting anyone. Yes, the high pitched humming of the computer all day gets tiring after a while but I can usually mentally drown that out. I just wonder what the attraction is...why I am addicted to the Internet. Maybe it's the instant gratification of getting instant results when I want to look something up. Maybe it's knowing that when I get a personal email, I know someone, somewhere is thinking about me. Maybe it's my crutch when I'm feeling anxious and don't know what to do with myself...it's better than eating something, isn't it? Either way and for whatever reason, I know I'm addicted to it....because, already I'm feeling a bit anxious and teary-eyed about what I'm going to do with myself when I take away the Internet crutch. I'll tap on it for sure in a couple of minutes.....I'm quite curious to find out the reason behind it all. I am looking forward to all the time I'll have to hang with my kids or to do other pampering or relaxing things for myself...but do I think I'm strong enough? The computer sits in my living room and it constantly beckons me...like the food in my pantry or like a bottle of alcohol would for an alcoholic. It feels that strong to me. But...it's time....it's time to let it go and dig deep to find out what's causing this behavior. I'd love to hear from other Internet junkies about why you think we're addicted. You can now leave a comment on my blog without having to be a member....so let me know that I'm not alone here in my addiction. K, now off to tap on the anxiety that's already arising in my belly......and I know that if it's in my belly, it's associated with fear so that gives me a place to start.....okay....wish me luck....M

Friday, November 7, 2008

On the Lighter Side

Do you ever have one of those weeks where life kinda throws you off balance and it takes a little bit to get your equilibrium back? This has been one of those weeks, in so many ways....and I just couldn't find the time to write any earlier this week. Probably because I was tired and a bit overwhelmed over the weekend...but now it's Friday night and I can take a few minutes to think. I've decided to keep it light this week and cheery and so in looking around for something to inspire me, my eyes landed on our dog. He's such a long haired furry thing but cute as a button. The fact that we even have a dog is a big step for me as I am not a pet person. I don't like to touch pets or clean up after them. One day, as I was whining to my mom, she said, and I quote, "Do you think all the pets you had growing up your father and I wanted?". Touche` Mommy...so now we have this dog. The whole beginning potty training thing really tried my patience. I was potty training the toddler at the same time so my life was filled with poo and pee everywhere. Just a note, the puppy has learned a lot quicker than the toddler!! But as disgruntled as I was about getting a dog, I have to admit that he has weasled his way into my heart without me even being aware that he was doing it. He certainly has his own personality and he's a definite character! He is so pouty that it cracks me up. He literally hangs his head and walks away if he gets into trouble or when we leave him behind. Poor little thing...we all feel so guilty about it too, that's how good he is at pouting! He has brought so much joy into our lives in the three short months we've had him and I'm quite surprised at how I've taken to him. I still don't let him in my bed, mind you, and I still don't like petting him, but I am a bit intrigued by him. To all of you pet people out there, I do admire you...especially when you let your dog lick your face...eeeewwww..or even worse, your feet!! Gives me shudders.... All in all, however, I am glad we got him.....even when he wakes me up way too early in the morning to go out for nature's call. That really does annoy me, but I guess he is teaching me patience and tolerance. Those Life Lessons come from everywhere, don't they?