Sorrow

Sorrow is one of those powerful emotions that consumes you and can hold you captive for a long, long time. 

I think that along with that deep sorrow, there must be a hint of guilt. 

I've been thinking about that emotion today because we lost a dear family member today. 

She was one of those beautiful people who truly cared for others. She would do whatever she could to help you in any way if you needed it. 

When you talked to her, she looked at you and you could tell that she was really listening to your words. 

She was very empathetic and she truly wore her heart on her sleeve. 

However, for all the help she offered to others, she was such a lost soul. 

She lost a baby boy to SIDS many, many years ago and her heart was broken. 

Life has been very hard for her since she lost her baby. She tried to fill that void with alcohol, without much success. Her sorrow ran too deep. 

I know she fought the battle against her addiction many times over. But I think that when you hurt that bad, it's really hard to get up in the morning and move on. 

She just couldn't. 

We all loved her deeply and most of us understood her sorrow. 

As I was growing up, I loved to spend time with her and her family. As I've gotten older and busy with my own family, we haven't had many opportunities to get together. 

I know she tried so hard to be present for her children and I believe she did the best job she could....but it's a struggle when you're buried under so much sorrow. 

I talked to her daughter today and we talked about how her mom is now holding her baby boy. She knows her mom stayed here as long as she could but the pain was just too deep for her. 

She just went to bed and didn't get up this morning. Just like that. 

Hard for those of us left behind to understand but if I sit quiet here, I swear I can see her holding her baby and radiating true joy. She's found the joy that she couldn't find here on Earth. 

Sorrow is deep, deep emotion. One that grips you in its hands and squeezes your heart really tight.....breaks your heart. 

All of our emotions can hold on tight and control our lives. 

Anger, guilt, blame, sorrow, jealousy and so on. 

I saw a lot of that in my Level 3 EFT workshop this past weekend. You would think that by Level 3, most of us would have our issues and emotions cleared away, but I think most of us were surprised at the intensity of the weekend. 

I wish I had been able to help my relative with EFT. I wish I had known it years ago so she might have had an opportunity to experience some joy here on Earth. 

We are so often a prisoner to our emotions, and most of the time, we don't even realize it. 

I do think sorrow is hard emotion to share with others. 

How can you possible explain that pain to someone? You can't really, so you bury it (like most other negative emotions and memories) but it slowly eats away at you. Often it feels like there is no escape. 

For my relative, there was no escape from the pain, no matter how hard she tried. However, I believe she's found her peace now. I believe her beautiful, beautiful spirit is soaring and rejoicing at being released from her pain on this Earth. 

I honor the lessons she taught me and I know that if I sit very quiet, I'll hear her singing lullabies to her baby and that fills me with such tenderness and joy.....Goodbye Elaine...we'll miss you so much.....~M

Lovely Chaos

As per my last blog, I have been trying to go to bed earlier. 

While every night has not been a complete success, I am doing pretty well. 

My toddler wakes me up often with his nighttime issues and that prevents me from a complete eight hours....but again, things are improving. 

The one thing that baffles me about the whole thing is that as I sit here at 7:45 pm trying to find my inspiration to write something, I have a complete block. 

Can't think of a thing. 

I thought of lots of things in the past week, late at night or in the middle of the night, but alas, I did not write them down. 

Maybe it's the kids screaming in the background or the thoughts of the million other things I should get done yet tonight and I can't quiet my mind down enough to write something inspirational or motivational. 

Maybe it's the toddler standing here at my side demanding that I blow up his 4 foot blow up hammer. 

It's somewhat difficult to get creative in the midst of this lovely chaos. 

So, I'll have to rearrange things so I can actually get on the computer between toddler bedtime and my new found bedtime. Teens and spouse are usually on the computer at that time and that's another reason I wait until the late hours of the evening to write. 

I really do admire and appreciate all those moms that work at home and have tidy and organized homes at the same time. 

One question....do you not have chaos? 

How can your houses look so organized and peaceful when you work at home and try to spend time with your family at the same time? 

That is one thing I am not very good at. 

Some days it drives me crazy, like when people stop by and my house looks like the tornado just left.

Most days, however, I know I have to pick my battles and my house tidiness is often one battle I can leave for a bit. 

So, if you are thinking of dropping by for a visit, and I'd love to see you, please be prepared to step over toys, jackets, backpacks, maybe yesterday's groceries, and dog toys. 

It's not that I have intentionally left those things lying around, it's just that I've decided to spend more time with my kids or on my stuff. 

Come for a visit on Saturday morning. That's usually the one time my kitchen counter is clean! 

As for my blog, it's now 9:51 pm.... all kids are tucked in their beds and all blow up toys are..... well it's still lying here beside the computer chair...but at least it's quiet and I can write! 

And yes, Jeanine, I'm off to bed now......~M

Me-Sleep Deprived?!

So, the reason I did not post my blog yesterday is because I did the unusual and went to bed early. 

It was so weird to be in bed before 11 pm. 

For those of you that understand the importance of going to bed early, I applaud you and admire you. 

You've figured out what I haven't. 

I've been told many times over about the importance of sleep by people I love (mostly my mom) and by articles I have read. 

I don't know how many times I have to be hit over the head to really get it. I guess maybe once I see the difference in how I feel and how effective I am during the day, I'll finally truly understand. 

I have been a night owl for as long as I can remember. I love the two hours I get to myself once the kids are in bed. That's when I usually write my blog and newsletter and that's when I usually have the time to exhale that deep breath I've been holding in all day. 

But as I was whining and complaining about how ineffective I am in a number of areas in my life, my dear friend, Jeanine...my EFT mentor, asked me how much sleep I was getting. 

When I confessed to my night owl-ism, she put things into perspective for me. She told me that good sleep was just as important as good food in terms of fueling the body. She told me to aim for at least 8 hours every night...huh? 

8 hours? 

I wasn't so sure I could do that. 

That would mean missing out on my ME time..that would mean missing out on my breathing deep time. It sounded like I would be giving up too much. 

As she continued to hit me on the head in the kindest, gentlest way possible, she told me how much better I would be to cope, to be more efficient and productive and how much easier life would be. 

Now that sounded intriguing. 

I'm all for being more effective and more productive....but still, the anxiety was there. I've been trying to go to bed earlier for years! 

I do know all the stuff Jeanine was telling me, but I also have the huge list of reasons of why I have to stay up later than my kids and how important that time is for me. 

I've been struggling with my weight for years too and she told me that because I am so sleep deprived, my body needs to eat for the extra energy I'm not getting from sleep. In my haste to fuel my tired, worn out body, I do know that I grab for all the foods that are really not that good for me. I'm usually too tired to reason it out and I just eat it. If I was more rested, I would be able to make better food choices. 

Again, I know this, but another bonk on the head doesn't really hurt that bad. 

So, last night, after our little talk, I decided to honor Jeanine's advice and hit the hay about 2 hours before I usually do. I read a few minutes to wind down, meditated for a bit and then eventually fell asleep. 

Besides having the dog wake me a couple of times, I did sleep for more than 8 hours. I have to admit, I did not wake up in the fog that I usually wake up in. I also did not have the gravelly, heavy eyes that I usually have all day. 

Now, I know I'm not going to reap all the benefits after one good night's sleep but it's a start. I will continue to put forth the best effort to get 8 hours of sleep a night. 

It means I'll have to organize my day a bit better, but maybe I'll finally have the energy to be able to do that! 

Organized, full of energy, more efficient, more productive, make better food choices, have the energy to exercise, smaller bags under my eyes........maybe Jeanine and all the other head bonkers are on to something after all....~M

The Power of Money

I don't know about you, but sometimes I get tired of playing the money game. 

Some days are better than others but most days it's a worry about making my money stretch until the next cheque comes in. 

Even when I don't have to worry about it, I still do. I've been doing a lot of EFT to help my abundance issues and it's definitely been helping. 

One big factor I've noticed is that I still have poverty thoughts. I'll find myself thinking "Oh, I wish I could afford that." or "I'll never be able to afford that." or " I don't have enough money." or "I'll never have enough money." or "Why do I never have have enough money." and so on. I even say those things out loud to my kids so I'm passing on my poverty thinking to them. But as I said, I'm working through those thoughts with EFT. 

I was at a workshop this weekend about Balancing Family and Work with Dr. Wayne Schlapkohl. He was so funny and his session was really good. 

One thing he brought up was the fact some people consider that the long hours they put in to provide for the family is just as important as spending time with their family. I think it depends on why they are working so hard. 

We live in a society where the more stuff we have makes us feel more successful. 

Maybe it's not a conscious thing, but we often look at what our neighbor has compared to what we have. If we have less than our neighbor, we feel inadequate and our desire to compare increases. 

So we buy comparable things to keep up with our neighbors, sometimes when we can't even afford them. 

Dr. Schlapkohl said that once your basic needs are met, the only reason there is a want for more money is for status. He didn't mean it in a negative way. What he was trying to point out is that we feel more successful if we have what everyone else has. This is the reason why so many people work so hard....why so many people miss time with the family.....it's like unconsciously trying to keep up with the Jones'. 

He pointed out, however, that once your basic needs are being met, there's no guarantee that you'll be happier with more money. There's been research done to prove that fact. 

Of course we need to have our basic needs met, but once they are.....everything we accumulate after that is just for our satisfaction of having what others have. 

Gives some room for thought there, doesn't it. 

I can relate to what he's talking about. I was with a group of friends this summer who were talking about all the places they had travelled and all the toys they own and so on. I went into my own pity party after that for a little bit. 

I haven't travelled much and we don't own a whole bunch of toys or a big camping trailer. I did some EFT for that, as well, because I couldn't understand where these feelings were coming from. I am happy for my friends for all that they have but I was unhappy because I don't have what they have. 

Dr. Schlapkohl made it all make sense for me. I was comparing myself to my friends and was, successfully, making myself feel less than. 

The crazy part is that I don't even really want what they have, but I still felt less than. Not one of them made me feel that way...it was all my own doing. I didn't even know that's what was behind it until this past weekend. 

I realized that I am happy. I love what I do....I love the time I have to spend with my kids. I love that I'm able to stay home with my toddler and share his milestones with him. 

Yes, we may struggle financially because we don't have what "everyone" else has, but it's okay. I'll never regret that I was missing out on my child's life....I'll never regret that I wasn't able to be home for my kids after school. Their basic needs are being met and I believe, they are benefiting more by the time I spend with them than the fact that I can buy them a new trinket whenever they like. 

I am also proud of the fact that I love my career choice and I can work at it when I have the time to do so. I may not have the disposable income that others have, but, I've realized, I don't need it. 

All I do when I do have more money is buy more stuff. 

Money is a powerful form of energy but it is just that. A form of energy that has incredible power. 

People judge people because of the money they do or do not have. Couples divorce over money issues. People steal money to get the things they think they need to make them happy. 

 Like most things, money is a state of mind...it can control you or not. 

 It can have power over you or not. I think it's time to take back the power money has on me.....that feels really good to say that. 

 Someone once told me that I'm too busy to let abundance in...I don't make room for abundance because I fill my day with too many other things...makes sense.

I think I'll go tap on it....~M

Second Chances

There was a funeral in our little town this past weekend for a young mom who had terminal cancer. 

She left behind her young son and her husband. She also left behind a tremendous amount of friends who will miss her terribly. 

I'd never met this woman but her final words left a big impression on me. 

A letter that she wrote was used for her eulogy. 

In her letter she talked about the lessons she learned in this lifetime. 

One of those lessons was about giving second chances. She said that many of her dearest friends were people she had "given" a second chance to...and she was so grateful that she did. 

That got me thinking about some of the people in my life. I noticed that many of my "best" friends were also people I had granted a second chance to. I usually am quick to forgive and forget anyway, but more so in the past few years. 

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Second chances are gifts you give to others. 

We all have off days when we are not at our best.....to have someone understand that and love us anyway is what being a friend is all about. 

I understand being angry at or disappointed in people. I certainly share those emotions. The trick is, really, to just get over it. 

When you let those emotions fester and boil in your body, you can end up getting pretty sick. Make your peace with it or with them and let it go. Holding on to the grudges and anger only hurts yourself and maybe destroys a relationship that had the potential of being truly sweet and sincere. 

I always tell my kids when they're complaining about a friend or someone in their school ,that they have to take a look at that child's life. 

Maybe they're being a bully because they get bullied at home or because they struggle in school. Maybe those kids act out because they are actually lonely and just want some attention. My kids usually roll their eyes at me, but I think they get it. 

Now, I'm not saying that one should put up with abuse or neglect or any of the serious stuff. In those situations, the person who is the abuser is usually really hurt on the inside, as well, and that's why they're acting out, but you still need to get yourself out of harm's way. 

What I'm talking about are the every day second chance opportunities that occur. You know the ones I mean....and there are usually plenty. 

There are days I have to remind myself to take a look at why I'm frustrated with someone. 

There are days when I am quick to judge people....but it doesn't take me long to diffuse it all inside me. I take a look at why I am offended by their actions and I can usually find the reason and, in more cases than not, it's about my stuff, not theirs......or I take a really good look at what's going on in their lives and why they might be acting like that. Then I just let it go and send them a blessing. 

I usually feel much lighter and happier after I do that. 

Sometimes it's really hard to do though. Sometimes I like being angry with people because then I feel right and justified. It feeds my ego and my ego thrives on those negative thoughts and it gets more powerful. 

But I don't enjoy living from ego. 

Living from Spirit fills me with peace and gentleness and joy. 

You would think that it would be easy to stay there because it feels so good....but ego is powerful and strong and hates to be put in the corner. I'm getting better at recognizing when I'm living from ego or from Spirit, but there are still those days I forget, that's for sure. 

But the words from this young mom who had to leave this earth early really hit home for me, so I hope I can honor her words and her Spirit by granting those second chances. 

Maybe I can do that by finding less reasons to have to give second chances. 

Does that make sense? 

The only reason we need to grant second chances, really, is because we've found a reason to be offended by the person's actions or words in the first place. It puts things into perspective, doesn't it? 

We learn a lot from tragedies and from people who are involved in those tragedies. 

Some of my most important lessons were learned while I was regrouping from being in a dark place in my life. Those are the lessons that are the sweetest and that influence my life the most. 

This is one of them...giving second chances or even finding less reason to have to grant them is a wonderful lesson for us all...and one I share with you in memory of Chris....~M